"Scans are like revolving doors, emotional roulette wheels that spin us around for a few days and spit us out the other side. Land on red, we're in for another trip to Cancerland; land on black, we have a few more months of freedom."

I had to share some exciting news... Grier lost his front tooth yesterday... I guess all that consistent wiggling paid off! He was thrilled he could put it in his tooth bracelet- even more excited that the tooth fairy actually remembered to leave him a dollar the first night he left it out for her... 

Today we celebrated his birthday a little early at school since he is not going to be there on Wednesday. He brought doughnuts to share... after going round and round with Dunkin Doughnuts about trying to get only orange sprinkles on his doughnuts- I finally told him it had to be rainbow sprinkles and he said, "That is Fine".... ugh.. I should have told him that the first time instead of calling most of the stores around us! I feel like I am rushing everything just to get it done this week... actually I am !!! The end of school activites for three kids plus 2 birthdays are enough to make someone go crazy... add in a trip to Philly and a scan -- Let's just call that the cherry on top of my normal crazy! 

We leave tomorrow -- and it will be a fast trip. I have already started to give Grier his nasty iodine drops called SSKI- he has to take them for 5 days according to CHOP.... Good thing he takes medicine so well because this could be really hard... I just need to remember the DUM-DUM chaser and he is very compliant. 

I am not sure I have scanxiety yet... or maybe I just haven't recovered from the last sets of scans... who knows. I recently read an article about scanxiety and it actually has a name.. PSP .. or prescan psychosis! I love this blurb from the article... 

The medical profession is aware that patients suffer stress as our scans approach. Dr. Jimmie Holland, a psychiatrist at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, refers to the condition as PSP, or prescan psychosis. "Everybody feels it to one extent or another," she tells me, "particularly people who feel they have to know what's coming next. And if there's anything true about cancer, it's the unpredictability about what's coming next." 

As my scans approach, I become increasingly wary and deliberate in my actions. I put off major decisions until after I hear the results. My breathing gets tighter. And those regular drives to the clinic are among the most tense I have — though there's nothing I can do at this juncture to affect the outcome.

as·sent/əˈsent/

Noun: The expression of approval or agreement: "a loud murmur of assent".

Verb: Express approval or agreement, typically officially: "Roosevelt assented to the agreement".

The last time we were in Philly.. I was signing consent forms for Grier to participate in the Millenium trial.  Dr. Mosse commented that is would not be long before they are going to ask Grier to sign assent. This was a little surprise to me... because number he is ONLY going to be 7. How much does he really know to be able to make a decision about his treatment? The most interesting thing was that if he was diagnosed after he was 7 than this would not apply to him... only if his treatment began before he was 7- I am not sure I am ready for him to be able to give assent... I think a lot of his fighting spirit and good demeanor comes from just "being routine" for him... He will be 7 on Wednesday... I should not have to sign another consent form unless treatment changes.  I am hoping it does not change but the scan will be able to tell us whether we stay on this course or change. 

Sorry if this update does not make sense... I think I will blame it on "prescan pyschosis"  I will update from Philly... we have a room at the sheraton... and other than the 96 degrees it is expected to be on Wednesday- everything else should be what we are used to in Philly (I am just glad it is not suppose to rain!)