It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Rose Kennedy

US wife of Joseph Patrick Kennedy Sr. (1890 - 1995)

Yesterday was a little like dejavu.... I seem to forgotten the days after the last 12 rounds of high dose chemo... the non-eating, begging to get him to drink SOMETHING, and making anything and everything he asks for in hopes that he will eat it but as soon as he gets it -- he is not hungry anymore or changes his mind!  It is nothing new or out of the ordinary but I have forgotten what a pain it can be and I feel like the biggest nag! He seemed to enjoy sunchips so that is mostly what he ate yesterday!  I also have forgotten the feeling of giving him a shot and his anxiousness leading up to the whole process.  He hates them and I hate them but we have to do it... so that is the attitude we have.  The most ironic part is that other than the cabinet full of medicine we have again... Grier feels really good. You can see some darkness under his eyes but other than that he is active and energetic.  Monday will be the day we see where we are in terms of how his blood counts are being hit by the chemo. He will have labs drawn and we can see how his blood counts are hanging in or NOT hanging in.  Hopefully he will not need any blood or platelet transfusions yet. 

In the midst of finding out about this relapse and figuring out where we were going to be for treatment I forgot the "school" component.  I was so used to being at the WDS where everyone just knew our crazy life... So, I had to go back to the drawing board... dig out those old letters that I have sent home before and revise it for where we are now.  I know his teachers will be great at helping kids understand the questions of "where is Grier?" but I worry since we try so hard not to treat him different and keep him a "normal kid"- I know some disagree... but who cares.. until you have walked in these shoes for 4 years... then come talk to me.. I think Grier is the way he is because of the way we have made this our normal and he doesn't think it is any different. As he is getting older, it will be harder to control the comments... but I am asking you AGAIN.. please do not ask about Grier's health in front of Grier or to Grier.  I know people google things... and I don't talk statistics for a reason.... mainly because I don't ask anymore... it does NOT matter to me in anything we are doing.  It will not change the course we are on -- 

If you need help in explaining to your child then feel free to use the wording we use... We talk about getting medicine and how some medicine you can get at home and some special types have to be given at the hospital.  Grier gets both types.  Sometimes medicine makes you feel bad before it makes you feel better.  And sometimes it can make your hair fall out... but that is NO BIG DEAL because hair will grow back.  We don't use the C word... the medicine is making a group of unhealthy cells go away - My biggest fear is that he is going to ride home on the bus and have someone make fun of him like they did wearing glasses on the first day... 

OK-- a quick subject change... May is fast approaching... I think I have mentioned that cookies for kids cancer wants 700 bake sales in May to honor Liam's 7th Birthday.  I know of a few going on... but would love to hear about some more.  Please remember that they do not have to be HUGE bake sales... have your school do one at a game or you office can do one at lunch.  All of the bakes sales in MAY will be matched by GLAD up to $225,000-- so a $100 bake sale will be $200 towards research for pediatric cancer...  Please remember pediatric cancer is ALL cancers that 18 and under have..not just Neuroblastoma.  These grants are applied for by top researchers all over the country and awarded by a board.  I know there are lots of ways to donate these days... but I would make sure if you are putting effort into it that your donation is going where you think... you would be surprised how little of the $100 you raise for Relay of Life actually goes to help kids.  That is a whole post for another day.... Please consider doing something for CFKC in MAY... plan a carwash... do a raffle... sell a bracelet... WHATEVER... Liam fought too hard for 4 years and should be honored- Start planning something.... and tell us about it!

www.cookiesforkidscancer.org