We landed in Charlotte around 5:30 on Tuesday and it was so nice to see Hayes, Grace, and my mom waiting for us at the hanger--- Grier did really well on the flight and even got to lay down on the couch -- it seemed to help because most of his pain was from sitting straight up-- so we were really thankful we got a flight with Corporate Angels- I kind of think there needs to be a holding area where you can go and decompress before you switch hats from medical director & cancer parent to HOME--- it is a hard transition when you are fighting exhaustion and you know your other kids want things to be normal-- but I guess that would be in a perfect world-- since that is not the case we jumped right back into to homework, signing papers, sports, fundraisers, work, open house at schools, grocery store etc.-- meanwhile caring for Grier who had major surgery a weeks ago- Sleep was not happening at first for Grier.... a little because he still was uncomfortable a bit and he is so "off" that he was up from 2-5am for a few nights--- Now on to the hard part----- I have "written" this update a thousand times in my head--- I was going to tell you how I hate the "c" word--- especially when I hear that invaded a child-- I also now hate the word "goodluck"-- I know some of you are wondering why--- but anytime you go a medical facility they always say "goodluck" as you leave--- certainly I do not consider it to be "luck" to have the "c" word labeling my 5 year--- I know it is not meant like that but just hearing it over and over for the last few years is enough!!!! As we waited for pathology to come back I thought it would be some "luck" to have it say something different than what Dr. Laquaglia thought the something was--- now that would have been goodluck!! On Wednesday, when we met with the surgeon he said he thought the spot was neuroblastoma-- but we would have to wait-- we chose Dr. L because he is a gifted surgeon who specializes in NB so hearing that was a kick in the gut for sure! So... my new word that I happen to hate today is the "R" word--- if you are totally lost at this point I am talking about the word RELAPSE! Pathology came back and it is confirmed that the effing spot that was so small was an early NB tumor- We are waiting on the two offices to speak and get the plan of attack going--- Grier will do 2 rounds of high dose chemo--- we are familiar with this poison and know what it will do to him--- he had 7 rounds last time in 2007--- so I am hoping 2 will be a breeze!! ( I hope someone can time I am being sarcastic!!!) We have been told to expect the normal side effects and fever from being nutrepenic ( no immune system) and lots of blood products-- CHEMO is NO CAKE walk-- As I had many breakdowns in NY I was reminded that relapse is not the same today as it was 10-15 years ago-- I was also reminded that he gets scans every 90 days for this reason.... to find something early...! I guess the part that angers me the most is he looked and acted like any other 5 year old meanwhile NB was starting to invade him again-- no warning, no symptoms, silent and sneaky just the way it started over 2 years ago- And the fear you feel every day came true-- because what they do know about NB is it comes back most of the time- Our plan is to have chemo done in Charlotte.... having Hayes and Grace around even if it is in the hospital and being able to come home for brief times out weighs the benefits of getting chemo at the day hospital and then going back to the Ronald at night- And I have asked a 1000 times... chemo is chemo, right??? NY does not a a special version that Charlotte does not provide-- the main difference is that you have to check in and spend the night at the hospital for the entire round -- Being here will also allow of a little bit of normal... one of us will be with Grier and one will stay at home and take care of all that entails--- it will also allow Jeff to continue to work-- which is a priority.... seems silly but that is how it works! I wish he could "work" when we are in NY but he does not have that kind of job-- Grier will have good days that he will feel good and he will have those bad days too-- on the good days I am going to let him go to school--- and we will lay low on the bad days-- hopefully he will have more good days!! After chemo is complete will will rescan and see where we are in the fight- If you see us out and about please do not ask about it in front of Grier and Hayes and Grace--- I know no one will be saying "goodluck" to us--- after reading this--- but I am a fan of the thumbs-up sign--- !!! As we find out the schedule I hope we can get back into the groove that we were in --- not sure how we did it then but I know it can be done and we can get Grier back to NED soon-- More to come as I know more details and as I process the new information-- we thank you in advance for the prayers, thoughts, and messages--- Thumbs Up- Amy ps-- We have had offers of help already and I have not even thought about it yet--- but I will think of things and it will be posted on the blog--